Floral Pocket Velvet Embroidery Pattern Overall with Dress Chic 67B0x5wqW7

Photo by Mosa Moseneke on  Unsplash

We all have hopes and expectations in life.

I have certain expectations in my marriage, in my friendships, and even at work.

There have been times I’ve been disappointed in each of the three areas I’ve mentioned above.

I’ve been disappointed in certain situations that have happened. Disappointed in other people AND even disappointed in myself.

The key is to understand why we get disappointed and what we can do about it.

Let me share a few examples of disappointment in my marriage

Simple Example:

I expect the last person out of bed, makes the bed. My husband knows this is important to me and makes the bed when he’s the last one up.

But, there are days I come home and the bed isn’t made. ugh.

I’m disappointed in the fact the bed isn’t made. Even more frustrated that my husband didn’t take the effort to make it. Especially since he knows this is important to me.

Complicated Example:

For some reason “date nights” rarely work out for us. I’m not sure if it’s because there’s too much pressure to connect with one another.

When we plan a date night something always seems to go wrong.

One of us has a bad day at work or one of us isn’t feeling well. We don’t seem to jive on date night — of all nights. Sometimes we end up in an argument about nothing and our date night goes down the tubes.

I know we are both disappointed when this happens. (One reason we try to avoid calling these nights “date nights”)

Why Does This Happen?

In relationships, there are two main reasons we get disappointed.

  1. We set the bar too high for the people we love. Our expectations for people far exceeds the reality of human behaviour.
  2. Chic Pattern Embroidery with Overall Pocket Velvet Floral Dress We depend on other people’s actions to make us happy.

How To Deal With Disappointment

In all the disappointments I’ve experienced in life, I’ve learned at least one life lesson from them.

Now, I’m seeing disappointments as a “learning opportunity”

About myself: Why am I disappointed? Why is this important to me? Could I have done something differently? Did I communicate my expectations clearly or did I assume the other person knew how I felt?

About the other person: How is this person doing? Are they stressed/overwhelmed? Are they tired?

About our relationship: Am I setting the bar too high? How important is this issue to our relationship? Is this a battle I want to pursue? Are there other issues more important? Am I relying on this person to make me happy?

The final question I ask myself is:

What does it matter in light of eternity?

When I ask this final question to ANY disappointment I experience, the answer is 100% of the time “it doesn’t matter”

Applying These Questions to the Above Examples

If my husband doesn’t make the bed one morning:

  • Normally he makes the bed, so why didn’t he make it this particular morning? Is he stressed? Tired? Ran out of time? Does he need my help with something?
  • How important is this to our relationship? Is this a battle I want to pursue? Are there other important issues happening in our lives?
  • Pocket with Dress Embroidery Velvet Pattern Overall Floral Chic Not making the bed one morning → what does it matter in light of eternity?

Taking the time to ask these questions puts things into perspective. It helps me learn much more about myself and how I react to certain disappointments.

It encourages grace and forgiveness when people disappointment me. Which they will — because they are human.

It has also improved my communication. I don’t react negatively now when someone disappoints me. I sit back and ask questions about what really is happening, why it’s bothering me and how can I communicate better.

Final Thought

The truth is we will continue to be disappointed by things and people so many more times in our lives.

Chic Dress Pocket Overall Pattern Embroidery Floral with Velvet The question remains: What are we going to do about it?

Are we going to get angry, frustrated and think badly about the situation? Think badly about other people? Recognizing no one is perfect — including us.

Are we going to realize disappointment is a GAP that happens when the reality didn’t meet our expectation?

Are we going to remember this GAP does not define our happiness? Only we are responsible for our happiness.

Let’s ask ourselves the next time we are disappointment — what does it matter in light of eternity? What’s your answer?

Would love to connect with you here on Medium or Twitter!